Just Like A Velvet Rose……Mummy Loves You My Precious Angels xxx

I am led here thinking so many things, thoughts racing through my head. But in the for front of my mind, as ways are my three precious tots.
Olivia-Beth is now a teenager, goodness me where has the time gone. This illness has been so hard for her to accept. She is such an intelligent little lady, and the prospect of knowing that I may die, terrifies her. I look into her tearing eyes, reflecting her fear of being without me. Olivia-Beth tries so very hard to remain brave and positive, but my heart breaks for her so badly….it hurts. My little lady often talks about our life together before I got sick, she can remember very clearly have happy we were, the fun things we used to do. As I look at her beautiful face, I can see how she grieves for our past life together, gosh the tears are streaming just thinking about her. As here mummy, I feel I should be protecting her from the pain, fear and nightmares…..not being the one that causes her to feel this way. I can not imagine not being here as part of her life…..or that of my princess Mollie-Jai who is only six, and my handsome little man Dylan who is just five years old. My role as their mummy, is to protect, heal and and hold them tight through their fears…..but instead, I am crunched in my bed, having hardly any interaction with them at all because Stiff Person Syndrome has imprisoned me inside my own body. Can you imagine what it would be like, not being able to sooth, or protect your precious child from hurt, pain or family destruction? When they see me in a seizure, the look of horrific fear in their tiny little faces, slices me like a knife.
Trough raising the funds and privately finance my Stem Cell Transplant…..I can make all this stop. I will be able to comfort them, without being the source of their pain. I will be able to run across the sea front once more, splashing Dylan and twirling Mollie-Jai like a princess ballerina and hold my beautiful Olivia-Beth’s hand, talking about the latest fashions and which boy has stolen her heart that week 🙂
I am not asking for much……just the gift of time and good health.
I don’t want to leave my children without a mummy……I cant leave them without a mummy. They need me……but if truth be told, I need them more.
You know, I see my tots like a beautiful velvet rose. As they grow, the more precious and beautiful they each become.
The rose in the photo, is extremely symbolic, as it is mine and Jason’s wedding flower. One of the most precious days in my life
xxx

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